Archive for the coming soon Category

Ferris Bueller Sequel

Posted in coming soon with tags , , on September 26, 2008 by Dr. Cochrane

Following on from the recent successes of Rambo IV, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and of course Commando Part II. Next summer sees the release of yet another sequel to a classic 80s film.

Ferris Bueller’s Week Off

Matthew Broderick reprises his role as the lovable truant Ferris Bueller.

It’s twenty years since Ferris had his famous day off and things haven’t been going so good since his best friend Cameron got cancer and his own 5 year jail term for killing a toddler whilst DUI. Ferris is now working as a second hand car salesman but he’s still the same old crazy prankster! Here we see him get to relive his glory days when love of his life, and recently divorced Sloane (sexy Mia Sara reprising her role as Sloane Peterson) needs his help to make her own teenage son more popular, with hilarious results! A heartwarming tale of life, love and second chances. And don’t be surprised if a certain classic ferrari makes a re-appearance as well!!


Broderick, seen here with his warty hag face wife was reported to be ‘thrilled’ to revitalise one of his best loved roles.

Ferris Bueller TV series

Posted in coming soon with tags , , on September 26, 2008 by Dr. Cochrane

Breaking news! Plans are also underway to revamp the short lived Ferris Bueller television series:

6 New Episodes

Ferris Bueller’s Power’s Off: FB’s neighbourhood experiences a black out and hi-jinks ensue. (AH)
Ferris Bueller’s Tee Off: golfing comedy, FB dodges his membership renewal at LA’s finest course. (AH)
Ferris Bueller’s Telling Off: Jeffery Jones finally gets to tell FB what he thinks in a 92 minute reprimand. (AH)
Ferris Bueller’s Fruit Goes Off: FB keeps forgetting to take the fruit bowl off the kitchen window sill. (AH)

Ferris Bueller’s Molotov: FB skips work to join an anarchist geurilla group only to find that his boss has invited the same group to perform some revolutionary theatre at the company barbeque! Ferris must play the lead role, even whilst avoiding being recognised by his boss and simultaneously bringing about the downfall of the ruling elite. (TC)

Ferris Bueller’s Take Off: FB takes an unsheduled day off work and goes to visit Cape Canaveral to see the Shuttle launch. Unfortunately his boss has the same idea and Ferris ends up hiding in the Shuttle toilet to avoid being seen. He gets taken into orbit only to die later on after his body weight causes the crew to miscalculate their re-entry trajectory and the shuttle burns up in the Earth`s atmosphere. (EL)

Upcoming from Tom Cochrane

Posted in coming soon with tags , , , on September 26, 2008 by Dr. Cochrane

Also coming soon…

Bigger!

Stressed toy executive Tom Hanks starts to develop lymphatic elephantiasis and must seek out a Zoltan funfair machine to reverse the consequences.

D.A.R.Y.L.: The Return

Summer 2009 welcomes the robot genius DARYL back to the big screen! Now all grown up, and having finally learned what a hooker is, Daryl (Ethan Hawke) has become a big time pimp trying to keep the Peurto Ricans from muscling his territory. And he can still play the shit out of ridge racer! (TC)

The Post-Graduate

Dustin Hoffman revisits his most famous role in this update of the 60s classic. Now a professor at Berkeley, the 70 old Hoffman is supervising a PhD in medieval philosophy by sexy-but-nerdy Keira Knightley. With simmering sexual tension they must decide if the scholastic metaphysics of Duns Scotus is still relevant to current mereological issues.

The corpse of Anne Bancroft makes a guest appearance as Hoffman wistfully recalls his own student days. (TC)

Upcoming from Eddie Lawes

Posted in coming soon with tags , , , on September 26, 2008 by Dr. Cochrane

E.E.T: The Extra Extra Terrestrial (U)

In this sequel to Spielberg`s 80s classic, Elliot, now 35 (played by Matt Damon) is visited by E.E.T. This extra extra terrestrial is not just alien to planet earth, but to our universe. Emerging from an alternate reality E.E.T does not exist in three dimensions and as such cannot be seen, heard or interacted with by humans. Elliot is unaware of E.E.T`s presence as he goes about his normal business as a call centre manager for Dell`s technical support team. Recommended 8/10. (EL)

Blinder Date (15)

In this modern sequel Walter Davis (Bruce Willis) – now retired and living in Miami with severe cataracts – is motivated by a near death experience to contact his now estranged wife Nadia Gates (Kim Basinger). Unbeknownst to him Nadia has been dead for two years and her identity has been stolen by a morbidly obese credit card fraudster Margot (Dawn French). Walter is strung along and tricked into handing over his life savings and the deeds to his home before he realises something isn’t quite right about his ex-wife. Gritty 6/10 (EL)

Rain Men (12A)

In this follow up to Barry Levinson`s Oscar winning 1988 heartwarming classic Charlie Babbit (Tom Cruise) takes over as the manager of a Beverly Hills care home for socially challenged savants. His brother Raymond (Dustin Hoffman) has become something of a celebrity in the intervening years hosting his own talk show on cable (‘Raymond`s Baseball Facts’). Things take a turn for the worse however when Charlie gets locked in at the care home one night during a power cut and is set upon by a gang of patients desperate for their medication, can Raymond get home from the TV studio in time to save his life?. Dramatic/Tense 7/10 (EL)

The Godmother (U)

Set at the same time as the original Godfather movie, this equel* takes a different point of view on this famous chapter in the Corleone story. Seen through the eyes of Mama Corleone (Roseanne Barr) in this documentary style drama we see how the matriarch of a major crime family keeps house, pays bills and purchases white goods whilst all around her vengeful chaos ensues, always just out of view. Original and detailed 9/10 (EL)

*An equel is a work that portrays an alternative version of events occuring within a previously completed narrative (e.g. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead) (copyright: Ed Lawes, March 2008).

8 2/3 (PG)

A meticulous remake of Fellini`s 1963 classic 8 1/2 . Every element of the film including the number of lines in the script, the wattage of the lighting, the sound levels and even the height of the actors has been increased by 16.66%. Exacting 9.16/10 (EL)

Bourne To Be Wilde (15)

In this final chapter, Jason Bourne (Matt Damon), suffers a blow to the head which results in a second bout of amnesia. This time he wakes up believing himself to be the reincarnation of the famous Irish playwright and wit Oscar Wilde. Still hounded by his erstwhile CIA spymasters he attempts to counter their assassination attempts with quips, sarcasm and thinly veiled comic invective. Brilliant 9/10. (EL)

Upcoming from Alun Hughes

Posted in coming soon on September 26, 2008 by Dr. Cochrane

The Karate Man

Former karate champion Daniel Larusso (Ralph Macchio returns to the role) is a hard drinking 40-something dojo owner. Although he has a loyal following of students, Daniel can’t forget his past glories and sinks to deep depression. After Larusso’s star student threatens to leave the team for the better equipped dojo 2 blocks away, Daniel lashes out and kills him with the crane kick we all know and love. Daniel realises that he’s still “got it” and after disposing of the body enters the latest karate tournament to show the world. He of course loses but has won his own inner battle and stuff like that. Ends with him getting arrested and sent down. (AH)

Schindler’s Pad

Years after crossing off all those lucky Jewish factory workers in the first movie, Oskar Schindler (Liam Neeson returns to the role) gets the idea to save more people when he finds a perfectly clean and new A4 pad in a kitchen drawer which he’d probably had for ages and forgotten about and proceeds to fill it up with people’s names who are in any kind of trouble.

Could branch out to possible franchise…best talk to the lawyers first, sensitive ground etc etc (AH)

Topper Gun

Having shot down those pesky MIGGs at the end of the first one, Maverick is King of the Air World and is offered a seat on the next space mission. Ending could go a number of ways:
Ending 1: Maverick bumps into space MIGGs and has to do battle with them.
Ending 2: Maverick gets spiritual and “keeps on flying”, never returning to Earth.
(AH)

All The President’s Women

We revisit the time when Watergate was blown, this time from the viewpoint of Woodward and Bernstein’s secretaries. With the help of very expensive CGI, we see reverse angles of Hoffman and Redford that were never shot in the first place. It’s a female drama, two women bonding in a noisy newspaper office. Watergate never really referred to just casual shots of memos left on desks saying things like “Must call Deep Throat, Don’t forget to buy milk.” Think Steel Magnolias in tone. (AH)