Unbreakable (2000)

Posted in recommended on April 14, 2010 by Tom Cochrane

Three interesting things about this film with regards to the ‘heroic’ life-narrative:

1. The inspiring idea that you don’t know how strong you can be until you test yourself. (e.g. when Bruce is weightlifting).

2. The idea that Bruce Willis gravitates towards security work due to some foggy sense of his true nature.

3. The idea that sometimes the best thing to do, all things considered, is lie to your wife.

Of course, Bruce Willis is playing a pretty dumb character who takes the entire film to remember he was faking his injuries that time (perhaps his unbreakable brain has trouble forming new memories??) though I don’t really mind that since he is a tough guy after all. And M. Night Shamalamashishi’s schtick for water is obviously dumb (though not as offensive to reason as in that alien film he did). But overall the variety of cute ways in which comic book tropes are given a realistic motivation (a secret identity needed for the sake of his marriage, the weatherproof jacket for a cloak, the villian also searching for his identity etc.) make this an enjoyable film.



The Matrix (1999)

Posted in Uncategorized on April 14, 2010 by Tom Cochrane

The first matrix film is arranged around 2 amazing images. When Neo (which I always hear as ‘Neil’) awakes for the first time, and when he finally ‘sees’ the world in matrix code. The entire narrative is a means to those climatic points.

Also, the only good fight in the entire series is the one in the dusty bathroom between Morpheus and the agent, though in general they succeed rather better in the first film at this kind of noirish, concrete aesthetic. Out of the numerous ways in which the other two films fail, their overly clean aesthetic is a clear sign that the filmmakers had no idea why the first film succeeded. These should have been films where the physicality of things was a constant visual obsession.

Posted in awful on November 17, 2008 by Tom Cochrane

something else this week…

Pancreatic Cancer 6/10

Lesser known than the justly celebrated lung and colon varieties, this cheeky little cancer can still surprise with astonishing amounts of pain, and the occasional explosive ejection of bodily fluids. Has been shunning the spotlight for a number of years, but the 21st century may well prove to be its finest hour. A quirky, evocative disease, with moments of real complexity and maturity. One to watch for…

Ferris Bueller Sequel

Posted in coming soon with tags , , on September 26, 2008 by Tom Cochrane

Following on from the recent successes of Rambo IV, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and of course Commando Part II. Next summer sees the release of yet another sequel to a classic 80s film.

Ferris Bueller’s Week Off

Matthew Broderick reprises his role as the lovable truant Ferris Bueller.

It’s twenty years since Ferris had his famous day off and things haven’t been going so good since his best friend Cameron got cancer and his own 5 year jail term for killing a toddler whilst DUI. Ferris is now working as a second hand car salesman but he’s still the same old crazy prankster! Here we see him get to relive his glory days when love of his life, and recently divorced Sloane (sexy Mia Sara reprising her role as Sloane Peterson) needs his help to make her own teenage son more popular, with hilarious results! A heartwarming tale of life, love and second chances. And don’t be surprised if a certain classic ferrari makes a re-appearance as well!!

Broderick, seen here with his warty hag face wife was reported to be ‘thrilled’ to revitalise one of his best loved roles.

Ferris Bueller TV series

Posted in coming soon with tags , , on September 26, 2008 by Tom Cochrane

Breaking news! Plans are also underway to revamp the short lived Ferris Bueller television series:

6 New Episodes

Ferris Bueller’s Power’s Off: FB’s neighbourhood experiences a black out and hi-jinks ensue. (AH)
Ferris Bueller’s Tee Off: golfing comedy, FB dodges his membership renewal at LA’s finest course. (AH)
Ferris Bueller’s Telling Off: Jeffery Jones finally gets to tell FB what he thinks in a 92 minute reprimand. (AH)
Ferris Bueller’s Fruit Goes Off: FB keeps forgetting to take the fruit bowl off the kitchen window sill. (AH)

Ferris Bueller’s Molotov: FB skips work to join an anarchist geurilla group only to find that his boss has invited the same group to perform some revolutionary theatre at the company barbeque! Ferris must play the lead role, even whilst avoiding being recognised by his boss and simultaneously bringing about the downfall of the ruling elite. (TC)

Ferris Bueller’s Take Off: FB takes an unsheduled day off work and goes to visit Cape Canaveral to see the Shuttle launch. Unfortunately his boss has the same idea and Ferris ends up hiding in the Shuttle toilet to avoid being seen. He gets taken into orbit only to die later on after his body weight causes the crew to miscalculate their re-entry trajectory and the shuttle burns up in the Earth`s atmosphere. (EL)

Upcoming from Tom Cochrane

Posted in coming soon with tags , , , on September 26, 2008 by Tom Cochrane

Also coming soon…


Stressed toy executive Tom Hanks starts to develop lymphatic elephantiasis and must seek out a Zoltan funfair machine to reverse the consequences.

D.A.R.Y.L.: The Return

Summer 2009 welcomes the robot genius DARYL back to the big screen! Now all grown up, and having finally learned what a hooker is, Daryl (Ethan Hawke) has become a big time pimp trying to keep the Peurto Ricans from muscling his territory. And he can still play the shit out of ridge racer! (TC)

The Post-Graduate

Dustin Hoffman revisits his most famous role in this update of the 60s classic. Now a professor at Berkeley, the 70 old Hoffman is supervising a PhD in medieval philosophy by sexy-but-nerdy Keira Knightley. With simmering sexual tension they must decide if the scholastic metaphysics of Duns Scotus is still relevant to current mereological issues.

The corpse of Anne Bancroft makes a guest appearance as Hoffman wistfully recalls his own student days. (TC)

Upcoming from Eddie Lawes

Posted in coming soon with tags , , , on September 26, 2008 by Tom Cochrane

E.E.T: The Extra Extra Terrestrial (U)

In this sequel to Spielberg`s 80s classic, Elliot, now 35 (played by Matt Damon) is visited by E.E.T. This extra extra terrestrial is not just alien to planet earth, but to our universe. Emerging from an alternate reality E.E.T does not exist in three dimensions and as such cannot be seen, heard or interacted with by humans. Elliot is unaware of E.E.T`s presence as he goes about his normal business as a call centre manager for Dell`s technical support team. Recommended 8/10. (EL)

Blinder Date (15)

In this modern sequel Walter Davis (Bruce Willis) – now retired and living in Miami with severe cataracts – is motivated by a near death experience to contact his now estranged wife Nadia Gates (Kim Basinger). Unbeknownst to him Nadia has been dead for two years and her identity has been stolen by a morbidly obese credit card fraudster Margot (Dawn French). Walter is strung along and tricked into handing over his life savings and the deeds to his home before he realises something isn’t quite right about his ex-wife. Gritty 6/10 (EL)

Rain Men (12A)

In this follow up to Barry Levinson`s Oscar winning 1988 heartwarming classic Charlie Babbit (Tom Cruise) takes over as the manager of a Beverly Hills care home for socially challenged savants. His brother Raymond (Dustin Hoffman) has become something of a celebrity in the intervening years hosting his own talk show on cable (‘Raymond`s Baseball Facts’). Things take a turn for the worse however when Charlie gets locked in at the care home one night during a power cut and is set upon by a gang of patients desperate for their medication, can Raymond get home from the TV studio in time to save his life?. Dramatic/Tense 7/10 (EL)

The Godmother (U)

Set at the same time as the original Godfather movie, this equel* takes a different point of view on this famous chapter in the Corleone story. Seen through the eyes of Mama Corleone (Roseanne Barr) in this documentary style drama we see how the matriarch of a major crime family keeps house, pays bills and purchases white goods whilst all around her vengeful chaos ensues, always just out of view. Original and detailed 9/10 (EL)

*An equel is a work that portrays an alternative version of events occuring within a previously completed narrative (e.g. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead) (copyright: Ed Lawes, March 2008).

8 2/3 (PG)

A meticulous remake of Fellini`s 1963 classic 8 1/2 . Every element of the film including the number of lines in the script, the wattage of the lighting, the sound levels and even the height of the actors has been increased by 16.66%. Exacting 9.16/10 (EL)

Bourne To Be Wilde (15)

In this final chapter, Jason Bourne (Matt Damon), suffers a blow to the head which results in a second bout of amnesia. This time he wakes up believing himself to be the reincarnation of the famous Irish playwright and wit Oscar Wilde. Still hounded by his erstwhile CIA spymasters he attempts to counter their assassination attempts with quips, sarcasm and thinly veiled comic invective. Brilliant 9/10. (EL)